That One Friend

A recent conversation with a friend made me wonder why do we have that one friend?  She was telling me about her new business adventure.  The excitement was plastered all over her gorgeous face.  Then she mentioned a “friend” made her question whether she has what it takes, to turn her dream into reality.  I sat watching her bright face slowly dim with every word released from her mouth.  I could feel my face mimicking hers. Before she had the chance to view my reaction as another “friend” that did not have faith in her, I had to speak up.  “Fuck her” was all my classy verbal skills could conjure up as a response.  Her reply “Oh well, we all have that one friend.”  Who is this friend?  How did they get into our lives?  Why do we allow them to stay?  Why can’t “fuck her” be a classy thing to say?  There are so many things that need to change.

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Time is short and life is filled with many things.  The good news is, we get to decide what things fill our life.  The bad news is, some things are trash.  Why do we lack the ability to throw these friends in a dumpster?  Why do we let our optimistic outlook on life, endure pessimistic dumpster mold?

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Some friends we acquired in our youth.  They have been around so long, it is hard to place them in a donation box and secure with duct tape.  Work friends clock in.  It is hard to force them to clock out.  Facebook friends made us click the accept button.  Now we can’t hit the delete button because we fear dramatic backlash.  The sniper friend has laid low.  You didn’t know they were here, until you feel the blood running from your face.  The jack-in-the-box friend pops up.  It scares the shit out of you, anytime you mention bettering your life.  Mother Goose can’t wait to tell you a story!  One time, two other people tried what you are thinking about, and almost ended up in an oven!

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The list of awful things could go on and on.

We are adults.  The same adults that tell our children to be brave.  We have the audacity to tell children to ignore bullies.  Why can’t we tell them the truth?  Look them in the eyes and say “Mommy doesn’t know honey.  I have an asshole around that loves to point out; I can’t do it, I shouldn’t do it, my hair is frizzy, my lip color is all wrong, more squats would help my flat ass, I’m too bold, my teeth aren’t perfect, and my boobs need a better bra.  Mommy will cry with you…scoot over.”  We need to be the heroine of the story and lead by example.  Would Wonder Woman put up with all of this?  Hell no.  She would use her unbreakable bracelets to block their words.

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Her magic tiara would bomb their doubt. Her sword would cut through all ridicule before the Lasso of Justice hurled their sorry asses into oblivion.

Where did we put our Wonder Woman panties?

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The child within ourself needs to remember anything is possible.  The child watching begs us to lead by example.  Growing up shouldn’t be a pathway towards losing faith and encouragement.  Be Wonder Woman.  If you can’t find the strength, befriend a Robin that can say “fuck her”  We are out there and will protect you.  There is still more good than evil in this world.  Life is short and you have the opportunity to fill it with great things.  Thanks to a couple of Robin’s  I realized; I can do it, I should do it, people want my hair, my lip color is fine, my husband loves my ass, I’m too bold for some, my teeth are perfect, and my boobs are real.” Buh Bye trash  If you look in the right places you will never have to utter the phrase “that one friend”

For all the women that read this blog as a foreign document;  you have never had that friend or met a woman that could be that friend…kudos you always look like this on the inside  swinging

and we see you for what you are on the outside.

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It takes real superhero stuff to go through life without any of this.


Who do you think you are?


cropped-circle.jpgWhen I was younger I remember spending a weekend in Germantown, TN with friends of my parents.  We pulled up to the largest house I had ever seen.  The style of the home was perfectly constructed for any John Hughes movie.  The back of the home had a heart shaped swimming pool.  We walked into the foyer, which was a word I had never heard and certainly couldn’t pronounce without my white trash accent saying four-year.  I said wow so many times my mother grabbed my hand and whispered “stop saying wow.”  I understand now that she wanted me to maintain a composure that suggested I was on that level.  This memory has stayed with me many times while I was “faking it until I was making it.” Always remember do not say wow out loud, you are on this level.

The truth is I never feel on that level.  In life you will meet people that make you question your own image.  Do you really belong on a lifeboat or are you going down with the ship?  As an adult my wow has been replaced with

  • Is her hair that perfect everyday?  I bet she could get laid in a hurricane and her hair would still look perfect.
  • I bet her kitchen cabinets look like an Andy Warhol painting.
  • Is she really that happy or should I ask who supplies her vicodin?
  • She has her life together so perfectly I bet she pops in a tampon one minute before her period starts.
  • Should I even waste my time talking to her?  I’m not on her level.
  • She is educated in subjects that make me feel like I should be pushing buttons at a carnival all day.

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Time to step it up honey and remember what your daddy told ya “They put on their jeans one leg at a time just like everyone else.”  The problem with that advice is most of the people I have been intimidated by wore dresses.  I was the woman standing beside her wearing my best pair of jogging pants with a tiny hole in the crotch.

One time I remember reading a comment by an absolute gorgeous woman on Facebook.  She said


Try reading that with a messy bun you have had for three days in a row….unwashed.  How do you get on that level?  How can I become the perfect hair, just got laid in a hurricane lady?  Do I truly want to become that lady?  What if it isn’t that great?  Maybe you come out with perfect hair and an STD.   Messy three day dirty hair is better than a z-pack ridden messy vag.  Of course we all know in reality she has perfect hair and a pristine vag.

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Then there are times someone thinks the cans in your kitchen cabinet are perfectly aligned in alphabetical order.  Do you say “Thank You” or “No, I’m on your level!”  I had a lady once confuse me with someone who had all their crackers in the box.  She said, “We need you because you are such a go-getter.  You are great with people.  Your boldness and confidence is exactly what we need.”

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We were at a taco bar and I was spilling white cheese dip with every syllable she spoke.  As I cleaned up cheese dip off of stainless steel I saw the real me in my mind.  I saw the real me giving myself a pep talk in the morning to get out of bed.  I am the lady that needs wellbutrin because I cry uncontrollably anytime the seasons start to change. I saw myself walking out of my childs school function as fast as possible so I could avoid sticking my foot in my mouth. (again)

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I am the girl who has tons of boldness to compensate for the confidence I lack.

She didn’t see me.  At that moment I wondered if she can’t see me, then how many others have I not seen?

Is it possible that all together tampon lady walked around all day with a red stain on her perfect pretty white dress for all to see?  Maybe PhD lady has a thing for carnies.  Maybe the lady that I am afraid to talk to doesn’t have a true friend.  None of these thoughts are original.  We all know that no one is perfect, the grass is greener yadda yadda.  But everyone wants you to focus on the fact no one is perfect.  When was the last time you realized they… can’t…see… you.  I have decided to replace “they put on their pants one leg at a time” to “You never really see them and they can’t see you.”

In your mind slap ole tampon lady in her red spot.

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It is perfectly fine in your mind to tell PhD lady that her ride is over.

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Perfect hair smurfect hair go rock that unwashed hair!  Dry shampoo and a cute headband can do alot for us faking it until we are making it kind of gals!

Push the elevator button in your mind and reach the same level as everyone else.  In reality they never truly see you.

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The woman that owned the heart shaped pool in Germantown grew up with absolutely NOTHING.  She wanted the pool in a shape of a heart to remind her how she got to Germantown.  I saw the end result I didn’t see her beginning.  Now that you know that no one can really see you, who do you think you are?  The answer you give is perfect at all levels.

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